Today is the day that we will have the memorial for our baby boy Jude. I'm so scared that I'll break down, that I'll make a fool of myself, that all these people who have thought that I've been strong through this whole process will see how weak I really am. I'm thankful that we get to say goodbye, but I don't want to say goodbye to him. I want him back. I want to hold him and love on him and take care of him the way that a Mommy should do. But I know that's not possible.
Yesterday, Britney (who has been such a blessing to me through all of this) took me to run errands to try and get things ready for the service. We had to stop by the funeral home to proof the service handouts. They're so adorable, and so perfect. I know I've said before what a wonderful man Grant at Heritage is, but I don't think I can ever say it enough. Before we left, he gave me my locket so that I can wear it today. It's a small silver heart, and inside it are part of Jude's cremated remains. I'm so blessed to be able to have such a special reminder of my little boy and wear it close to my heart, and I'm so thankful that I will have it with me during the service today.
I know I've said thank you a million times to all who have prayed, but I will continue to say it again and again. Your prayers and the grace of God are all that has gotten me through. I'm so thankful to be surrounded by such love.