Last night, our church had a "joint service" with Oak Manor church in Fayetteville. It was a real blessing, and felt really good to worship with others that we don't usually worship with. They had asked BJ and I to help with the band. BJ played bass, and I sang. It was the first time I had sang since Jude, but I held it together better than I expected to. I didn't cry at all until prayer time.
By the end of the service, poor little Vanni was exhausted, so we didn't get to stay for fellowship time. Instead, we came home, put her to bed, and put in a movie.
We've both been wanting to see the movie Across the Universe, so we decided to watch that. It's a really weird movie, but the whole movie integrates Beatles songs into the storyline. The remakes of the songs are actually really good, and there are some very talented singers. Unfortunately for me, the main character's name was Jude. It really struck me hard every time they called him by name. It made me glad that we picked a name that was a little unusual, so we won't have to hear it every day; but at the same time, it made me wish that we had named him something that I'll never hear in casual conversation so I won't have to think about him. It's not really that I don't want to think about Jude, it's just that I don't want to be caught off guard with overwhelming thoughts of him.
I don't know if this is ever going to be easy. I just pray that God will give me strength to make it through.