One Month

So today is officially one month since my little guy was born and died. In ways, it feels like it was just yesterday, but in others, it feels like this month has dragged by. I wonder how long it will be before the 2nd of a month goes by without me thinking, "Jude would have been x months old today"? I don't want to forget about it, but I hope that the next one doesn't hurt as much as today has. Today has been horrible...tears for no reason, easily angered, feelings hurt easily...just pretty much a miserable day.
The good news is that I went to the doctor today, and he said I'm healing well. He told me I can start going to the gym, which I'm really happy about. I've had a membership at the new gym in Lowell since before it opened in November, but haven't used it because I've been so sick. I'm actually looking forward to getting in the pool and swimming some laps. And, once my ab muscles feel a little better, I want to go back to pilates classes. So, I guess it's good that I'm looking forward to something.
The doctor also said I could go back to work. I'm going to be off next week, and then I'll go a week from Monday. Next week, BJ and I are going to Branson for a few nights...just the two of us. We've NEVER gone away alone together...we even took the kids on our honeymoon. I'm terrified of being away from Savanna for more than 24 hours, but I'm looking forward to some time with no kids and no obligations for us to have together. We can't afford to do much while we're there, but the trip itself isn't costing much. I went on one of those timeshare tour thingies that gave me 3 nights in a hotel, a $30 gift certificate for dinner, and 2 show tickets, so that's some entertainment for no money. BJ's never been to an IMAX, so I think we're going to try and do that while we're there, too. I think it will be good to have some time just us.
So, I've actually got a few things I'm looking forward to. I guess that's a step in the right direction.