Friday, November 14, 2008


How is it that something that was so exciting just a few days ago is now such a source of angst for me? I'm struggling so much right now. BJ keeps encouraging to just let go and let God do what He wants. I know that's what I SHOULD do, but it's just not easy. Every hour, every minute, all I think about is my baby. Will I ever get to see him? Will I ever get to hold him? If I do, will he be healthy enough to live for a minute, an hour, a day? I just don't know. I know it's out of my hands. But it's so hard to let go of this worry.
I know that continuing to worry will only make things worse, and I'm trying. I promise, I'm trying so hard to not worry. To know that God will take care of things however HE wants to. But this is so stinking hard.
I haven't slept since Tuesday. Well...I have slept, but only for a couple of hours a night. I just can't relax. I can't be still. I need peace. I need comfort. I'm begging God for it.

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