Update

I had a doctor's appointment this morning. If mine were a "normal" pregnancy, today would have been a really exciting appointment. It would have been the day I got my ultrasound, saw the little guy for the first time, found out gender...all that fun stuff. Instead, it was a very blah appointment. The doctor listened for the heartbeat. It was still there, and still in the very normal range (140s). My little Jude is definitely a tough little guy. The doctor and I talked about depression, and how I'm not a crazy person to be sad about what's going on. And we talked about the future. For now, we're just continuing to take it week by week. I'll go in next Monday for another heart rate check, and then again on the next Monday. Then 3 weeks from today I'll see the doctor again. I don't know how I can endure this that much longer. I just hope that God gives me the strength to survive it.
The only teeny tiny shred of good news is that the doctor told me today he's not going to make me do gestational diabetes testing. I'm really happy about that because I was diagnosed with it with Savanna, and poking my fingers twice a day was not fun at all. Of course, I know that he's not doing it because gestational diabetes is absolutely the least of my worries in this pregnancy.
I do have to say that everyone at my doctor's office is absolutely amazing and caring. The doctor told me that lots of people are praying for me, and reminded me that I have to lean on God to get me through this. His exact words were "He will be your rock, but you have to let Him be." I think that's good advice. And my nurse told me that she's praying for me and that she put me (anonymously to preserve patient confidentiality) on the prayer list at her church too. It's nice to know that I have so many people thinking about me and Jude and my whole family. I know I can get through this, it's just really hard right now...